David Jones, of Harvest Bible Fellowship, told me that forgiveness is one of the most common issues people face and will be one of the most regular topics that will come up in my pastoral ministry. It's great having men in our core group that are man enough to answer, "Yes" to the question and do something about it. Way to go, men!
The following is a result of some study this morning that I should pass along for your benefit.
God's Word first:
Matthew 6:12
The issue must be brought before the Lord first.
Matthew 6:14
If we cannot forgive another, it means our grasp of the forgiveness we've received in Christ is hoarded unrighteously. We must extend forgiveness freely because we've been forgiven of all.
Matthew 18:21-22
There is NOT a limit to how much we should forgive someone.
Matthew 18:35
"Forgive from your heart" not just your lips or your mind. Forgiveness should affect your emotive character.
Colossians 3:12-17
We should expect difficulty in relationships, so get good and forgiveness (bearing with one another in love)
Here's a process of how to apply this:
1) Keep short accounts with God and others
a. Protects us from bitterness which turns into anger which turns into hatred
b. Alleviates the awkwardness caused when you wait until later to speak up
c. Put's God instruction first rather than our feelings or 'entitlement' to anger
2) Put forth the offense
a. "This was hurtful to me."
b. "This was wrong."
c. "Why did you do it?"
d. "Do you realize you did it?"
3) Observe their penitence
a. "I'm so sorry." You respond, "I forgive you!" (see #4 below)
b. "Oh, get over it!" You respond, "You need to deal with this." (see #5 below)
4) Celebrate forgiveness and reestablish trust (Colossians 3:14-15)
5) Pray for your enemies (Matthew 5:43-48)
a. You did what God instructs, so give it to the Lord.
b. Involve a third party if serious enough (Matthew 18:15-20)
Common questions...
When should I just sweep something under the rug?
-one time offenses
-you get over it with God through prayer
-it is really an annoyance more than a relational debt
When should I definitely speak up kindly with the authority of God's Word?
-when it is absolute sin (their spiritual health is on the line)
-when they have a consistent character issue that falls short of God's standard
-when you can't get over it
How do I know I'm growing in forgiveness?
-Your relationships endure amidst relational debts and coinciding forgiveness
-Your fuse is lengthening because of a softer heart yet thicker skin
-Your Spirit-sharpened intuition informs you more than your emotions
-Your default motive is God's heart for another rather than vengeance
"There are no enduring relationships without forgiveness." -James MacDonald